Confusion

This blog taunts me all the time. No one really knows it's here. No one that I know anyway. What should I post? Should I post my private thoughts and feelings? I don't want to just in case someone I know stumbles across this. But then again, I want people to know the "real" me. It's not that I'm a fake person, but we have walls that hide and protect us. I don't really like tearing down those walls. I don't think anyone does. That leaves us exposed. Others will be able to see us. We will become subject to their sarcasm, ridicule, and gossip. We are relational beings, Christ created us that way. Only through relationships are we fully made whole and fulfilled. Yes, there is a Christ-shaped hole that only He can fill; but I think there is also a mother-, father-, and spouse-shaped hole that only those certain persons can fill. Honestly, my Christ-shaped hole is filled. I've been learning new things, realizing things for myself, etc. But my heart still is hole-y. It's missing that one last piece. I've prayed for that person to fill it. It seems like it's never going to happen. I'm tired of waiting. I feel like I have to prove myself to God in some way before I can "earn" the privilege of marriage. I know that's not true but I always find myself thinking that I'm not a good enough person to be married. How will I be able to uplift someone when I can't do that for myself? How will I be able to care for someone? Provide for someone? But then again it seems that's all I'm thinking about lately. It feels so close. It's almost if God is preparing me right now. My classes and dreams (literal dreams, not in aspirations) all align. Marriage, babies, husbands and wives surround me. My heart aches for this connection and relationship. My heart aches for my turn. It's so discouraging, but I know it will happen for me...someday.

Stress

Oh my gosh, it seems stress has overtaken my life! It's my last semester as an undergrad so I'm under pressure to get all things for graduation taken care of, as well as all things for graduate school taken care of. This means tests, classes, money, jobs, loans, service hours, etc, etc, etc. Not to mention a lot of this stuff has a due date of either November 1st or 4th. Ahhh! Plus, I am an officer for a choir here on campus, and believe me, I really don't have a lot of the responsiblities, they just give me the ones I don't know what to do with! haha! And lately my allergies have been going nuts! My ears and head just pound all the time! But I am now venting about it and tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow will be better! Tomorrow I will start anew. Tomorrow I will regain control over my crazy emotions. As for tonight, tonight, I am going to shower and read and get in the bed. Thanks for indulging my whining/venting.
Love to you all.

I'm No Longer a Blog Virgin!

Obviously, this is my very first blog entry! I haven't had one of these type of things since about 5 years ago! I like to write down my thoughts so I'll probably be blogging often. Hopefully this will last longer than the one i had before!

Come back soon!
I will!